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The following is based on a message posted on the Hall of Memories message
board by Diane (email removed by request)
in December 1997. Diane and her friend Sasha
(x) both live in Germany, and they both post frequently on the message boards
of Memories and Vampirism
Research Institute (VRI).
[Note: Links last checked and updated on: 03 May, 2005. Sites with an (x) after them cannot be reached. -- Sanguinarius]
The Vampire Diane
Imagine an educated scientist, a mathematican, who at the age of 32 years suddenly and unexpectedly developed a special appetite, for special kinds of meat at first, the same kind of meat raw later, and finally for blood. It was nothing but a reason for this woman to believe she was going completely insane.
Me - that woman - I had earlier ideas about mental powers, astral entities and possible psi phenomena. This was a philosophical, maybe also religious task for me all my life. A little bit uncommon for a "hard" scientist even this may have been. But - drinking blood? I never had a special interest in vampires, knew only Bram Stokers' Dracula (for it's hard to know it not), and the wish to be a vampire for me was something connected to the pubertal dreams of goth kiddies.
From this point, knowing nothing about the subject, I started the search, in our local university library at first, via Internet later, and found the VRI and some of the people connected with it. I found Sasha, who now is one of my best friends. Had long discussions with an interviewer 'Duncan' about the possible roots of vampirism. All I found through this first part of the quest were strong hints vampirism could be a kind of biological disease, caused by a virus. Sasha and I collected the publications about this and she designed her pages (x). This way our version of the viral hypothesis (which is of no means purely of our origin) was developed.
The problem for me personally is, I don't know how I became a vampire. All people I met in this context finally said they considered me to be a vampire, even if I for myself pointed out the possibility of a psychosomatic effect at first, and for this and the viral hypothesis I had to guess I'm an Inheritor. But, contrary to the above, most other people don't believe Inheritors exist. Included Lord Namadie, and this was one of the reasons we quarreled so terribly when I came to the Hall of Memories first.
Once when I was still 'normal', I had a strange dream, besides the normal visions which came to me periodically, but I never gave it any special attention. The dream could be connected to a 'psychic' attack on me. Until now, I heard no argument as to how the psychic hypothesis works. To say 'I experienced it, just believe me' is not enough for a discussion.
At present I think about the possibility of merging the two hypotheses (which does not work very well until now, I have to admit). There is much out in nature, a wide spectrum from the (proven existance of) endogene retroviral DNA in the humane genome to the other end, the mental powers of the astral beings we all experience. After accepting myself substantially, I have to know more about it all. I must not forget I will be able to embrace other 'childs' for myself. Childs I have to care for then. Childs I possibly could embrace against their will.
But this all is not the main problem of daily life. Whether being a vampire or not - just the fact of thinking about whether oneself may be such can be dangerous. Not for the danger some cross-wearing guys will attack me with a wooden stake - no, but simply some psychologists could have the urge to "help" me. People have been diagnosed to be "schizophrenic" or "manic-depressive" for reasons similar to the belief that one is a vampire.
Unfortunally it's easy for people to dismiss as "insane" all they don't
understand or believe in. That's the modern Inquisition. Clean and guaranteed
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